Many people assume that if you have a dispute in a divorce about children or your finances, you will need to go to court. However, wherever possible, good family lawyers will encourage their clients to consider alternatives to court which are usually quicker and cheaper. However, cost and speed are not the only factors you should take into account.
When I advise my clients about how to resolve disputes with their spouses or partners, I point out that among the many disadvantages of going to court is the likelihood that at the end of the court process, neither you will be speaking to each other anymore.
If you have children, the reality is that you will have to deal with each other for many, many years to come. Even once you are divorced or separated, you are going to have to handle the practicalities of agreeing arrangements for your children, how much time they spend with each of you, who will transport them to and from each other’s homes, and so on. You will need to discuss issues like what school they will go to, or whether or not they have medical treatment.
This doesn’t end when they become adults. There will be graduation ceremonies, weddings, grandchildren’s christenings and birthday parties etc. when wherever possible, it would be nice if both parents could be present. I always think that it is extremely sad when somebody tells me about their wedding and how only one of their parents was able to be there because they just cannot get on with each other.
The collaborative process allows a couple to work with their solicitors to find a solution that works for everyone, and most importantly for their children. At the end of the process, both sides should feel that they have come to an agreement which is fair and meet everyone’s needs, rather than one which has been imposed upon them by the court in which only one or possibly neither of them got what they were hoping for. A couple who use the collaborative process are much more likely to be able to continue communicating with each other than a couple who have gone through a lengthy, adversarial and expensive litigation process.
That’s not to say that couples who use the collaborative process will always remain close. There are some divorced couples who are able to do things like still spend Christmas together with their children or even go on holiday together. However, it is fair to say that those families are fairly unusual. Nevertheless, couples who have been collaborative should at least manage to be civil to each other. That is better than loathing each other so much that you cannot be in the same room together.
Being able to maintain or even improve your communications with your ex is not the only advantage of using the collaborative process. There are many other advantages, such as being able to keep control over the outcome rather than putting it in the hands of the court, coming up with more imaginative solutions than the limited range of things that the court can order and being able to spend time discussing matters which are important to you, but which a court may consider trivial and unworthy of court time.
To find out more about the collaborative process, please contact me here. I offer a free initial information session where I will explain to you how the collaborative process works and how it can help you.
After many years practising as a specialist family solicitor, Jon Armstrong trained as a collaborative lawyer in 2006. Since then he has represented clients in a very large number of both collaborative and non-collaborative cases. Jon is a founder member of Collaborative Lawyers Colchester, a local collaborative law pod made up of solicitors from various Colchester and North Essex Law firms.