The final step in a divorce is the Decree Absolute, a court order that formally brings the marriage legally to an end.
To solicitors, the Decree Absolute often seems like a mere formality. It is a very simple and quick piece of paperwork. What has gone before seems so much complicated and important; the divorce petition, court applications, financial consent orders and so much more that requires considerable legal skill and knowledge to sort out. The Decree Absolute on the other hand is a simple one-page application that says “The Petitioner applies for the Decree Nisi pronounced on [date] to be made absolute.” The form that we use calls itself “Application for Decree Absolute” but in fact it’s not even an application (technically speaking); it’s a mere notice. It doesn’t even need a judge’s involvement in most cases. Provided that the Decree Nisi is less than 12 months old, making the Decree Absolute is an administrative stope undertaken by a mere court employee.
What seems to be a simple piece of paperwork for the solicitor may however be a major thing as far as the client is concerned. It signifies the very end of the marriage (albeit that there may be steps still necessary to implement the terms of any financial order). The marriage will have broken down irretrievably some time before; you cannot get a divorce unless your marriage has irretrievably broken down before the divorce petition is issued. Yet, the formal end of the marriage may have enormous emotional significance for the client. Many solicitors (and I may be one of them) may not always appreciate this. That has led me recently to start considering whether I am informing my clients about the arrival of the Decree Absolute in the right way.
Throughout my entire career, I have usually notified my clients in writing that the Decree Absolute has been made. Since the arrival of email in law firms in the late nineties, I have usually done it by email, reasoning that my clients will want to know as soon as possible, and I then forward the original Decree Absolute to them in the post. I always try to do it the same day that it arrives from the court, not least because the Decree may be a few days old by the time that it reaches my office in the post. The court is not yet able to notify us electronically as soon as it has happened.
When I send these emails, I often wonder what the reaction will be when the client reads it. Will clients whoop with joy or will they weep? Will they need a little quiet time? I suspect that reactions may vary. For some people there may be celebrations and for others, while there may be relief that it is all over, there may be still be sadness at the failure or end of a marriage.
I recently asked my fellow divorce lawyers on Twitter how they notified their clients. The responses were mixed, with many tweeting that they always telephone their clients to tell them that the Decree Absolute has been made. Many do what I do. I then did a slightly more scientific online Twitter poll posing the question. By an astonishing coincidence, at almost the entirely same moment Nigel Shepherd, a prominent family solicitor and immediate past chair of Resolution set up a Twitter poll asking the same question. The results are below:
I am not sure how authoritative that is. My poll shows a small majority in favour of doing it in writing while Nigel’s poll shows a larger majority in favour of doing it by phone. Nigel’s poll had a few more votes and he has more followers on Twitter than me so perhaps it’s more authoritative.
I usually tell my clients by email and letter because I imagine that this is news that they would refer to receive without an audience and can cope with it without the embarrassment of a solicitor on the other end of a phone. They can read it and think about it without having to struggle to talk to their solicitor. However, perhaps I prefer not to have to speak to the client because I tend to shy away from the emotional aspect of divorce. This is probably a failing on my part, and I will admit to suffering from a very English horror of public displays of emotion. Empathy is important, but most divorce solicitors are not trained to handle the emotional aspect of a divorce. We are lawyers, not counsellors and, to be frank, I feel wholly unsuited to the role of emotional support provider.
This makes me wonder if I am doing this the best way. Of course, most clients at this stage will be expecting the Decree Absolute to arrive imminently in any event and it shouldn’t come as a bolt out of the blue. Nevertheless, I will consider whether I should do it differently in future.
3 February 2019